Groundhog day
A friend of mine came to have a cup of coffee with me recently but, before I’d even boiled the kettle, one by one I had to deal with three little pickles. Nothing out of the ordinary - attitude, not listening, arguing etc. - just the normal day to day routine of the holidays. Once we’d established that there would be repercussions if behaviour didn’t change and that I expected to be able to enjoy my cup of tea without having to speak to them again, peace reigned in our house for the remainder of my friend’s visit. My friend casually remarked ‘you must get a lot of satisfaction from doing a good job’ and I laughed - that’s the opposite of what it feels like to wake up and repeat the same things, over and over again, to seemingly no change. Her comment did made me think though; how many mums go to bed at night and feel like they’ve done a good job? I know at times, after a particularly trying day, that is the last thing I feel. It’s common place for a husband to come home and find his wife pushed to her limit and feeling like a failure.
I was reminded of an incident a few months ago when I’d taken the children shopping. As children do, they each found lots of things they wanted me to buy for them and kept coming to show me. After a short while I got irritated and told them to put everything down and stop asking. The lady behind the counter commented on such well-behaved children that happily did as they were told without a tantrum. She remarked that it was very unusual in her shop to get the response that I got from my children. These are the times when I do get satisfaction and I realise that all the hard work is worth the painful effort. It’s not that my children are angels - far from it! They are lovely, cheeky rascals just like all children but I have established that I mean what I say and won the tantrum battle a long time ago. All parents dread the ‘public tantrum’ – it’s horrible and can leave you feeling like the worst parent in the world. Luckily, with the help of my husband when mine were little and went through that phase, we devised appropriate discipline for their age and refused even in public to give in to what the child wanted. They quickly learnt that there wasn’t anything to be gained from screaming except time on their own whilst the other two were having fun once we were back home.
To all the mums out there I’d like to say ‘please don’t give up’. Children do wear you down and push you to the limits of your patience and they always know what buttons to press to get a reaction. They repeatedly refuse to listen, refuse to do as they are told and constantly bicker with each other. And they do this every day of the holidays so it feels like you wake up and repeat the same day over and over again. Sometimes it’s hard to see any improvement as nothing ever seems to change but I know if I hadn’t battled when they were young (and still do now), kept to my warnings of losing a favourite thing such as TV or an early bedtime if behaviour didn’t improve, then my children would certainly have not responded when my friend came. They would have continued to spoil themselves and our time together because that’s just what children do if there are no consequences to their behaviour.
I was reminded of an incident a few months ago when I’d taken the children shopping. As children do, they each found lots of things they wanted me to buy for them and kept coming to show me. After a short while I got irritated and told them to put everything down and stop asking. The lady behind the counter commented on such well-behaved children that happily did as they were told without a tantrum. She remarked that it was very unusual in her shop to get the response that I got from my children. These are the times when I do get satisfaction and I realise that all the hard work is worth the painful effort. It’s not that my children are angels - far from it! They are lovely, cheeky rascals just like all children but I have established that I mean what I say and won the tantrum battle a long time ago. All parents dread the ‘public tantrum’ – it’s horrible and can leave you feeling like the worst parent in the world. Luckily, with the help of my husband when mine were little and went through that phase, we devised appropriate discipline for their age and refused even in public to give in to what the child wanted. They quickly learnt that there wasn’t anything to be gained from screaming except time on their own whilst the other two were having fun once we were back home.
To all the mums out there I’d like to say ‘please don’t give up’. Children do wear you down and push you to the limits of your patience and they always know what buttons to press to get a reaction. They repeatedly refuse to listen, refuse to do as they are told and constantly bicker with each other. And they do this every day of the holidays so it feels like you wake up and repeat the same day over and over again. Sometimes it’s hard to see any improvement as nothing ever seems to change but I know if I hadn’t battled when they were young (and still do now), kept to my warnings of losing a favourite thing such as TV or an early bedtime if behaviour didn’t improve, then my children would certainly have not responded when my friend came. They would have continued to spoil themselves and our time together because that’s just what children do if there are no consequences to their behaviour.
Kelly Sparkes, August 2016
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