I have been reading the book 12 rules for life, an antidote for chaos by Jordan B Peterson. Although I am only on the second chapter, I have found his thoughts provocative and challenging. Clearly a very intelligent man who has done his research. He seems to have made it his goal to understand as much as he can about the human condition. As a psychologist, author, and now a very public figure, he has been bold in standing up for what he believes in, and passionate in describing the current plight of those who struggle and are afflicted. He sets the context for the chaos by going back to bible times. Describing the interactions between God, Adam, Eve, and the Serpent. These interactions set the context for our very existence. They define our nature and set the parameters for our understanding. They explain our inability to connect and thrive as perfectly peaceful beings. Rather, we are in a state of constant friction, with the natural world around us and each other. The balance of power has shifted. We now seem to compete for everything and face constant rejection. There is an absence of internal peace that has been replaced by fear. Look around. What motivates people? Is it the fear of failure that drives many to want to be seen as successful? In my experience it is often the loudest and seemingly most out-going, fun-loving people that are covering the most. To the person who can’t stop running, ask the question, what are you running from? The person who struggles with addiction. These are all indicators of that chaos within. Both men and women have an imprint in their DNA that means they will always clash. In simple, a man feels like he can never get it right and therefore he is never enough. For a woman, they need the reassurance that they are ok but never get it. It is a fatal flaw for both. Without this recognition they are in danger of always missing the mark with each other, taking each and every disagreement as a confirmation of what they feel in their innermost being. Ultimately, both make the other feel worthless. At the root cause of most of the arguments between couples is the inability to accept our weaknesses and the natural disposition. The person who never says sorry can’t afford to concede any more ground, in their mind, there will be nothing left, so they cling onto what they feel is an important part of themselves, defend it, and isolate the person they love. A wife, with no reassurance of who she is will have a very dim view of her value. She will be susceptible to guilt and open to mistreatment. She will also find it difficult to give value if she hasn’t got any! A successful relationship is one that has the ability to look beyond these flaws, to accept the differences and work together to make choices that go against our natural disposition. Perhaps we need to step back, way back, in order to see things how they really are. Maybe we can challenge ourselves to ask important questions as to why we think, feel, and act the way we do. Our natural disposition and up bringing may have left it almost impossible to build healthy relationships. This is understandable, but not hopeless. As a church we believe that this process of discovery can be a positive one, part of the journey of life. We also believe that it takes a third party: The Spirit of God. This enables us to see the difficulties and to work through them. We were given a way out of the chaos when Christ became the atoning sacrifice. A way of making us one with God. From that oneness comes the ability to connect with each other.