Understanding identity - moving forward
How our identity is formed
We all need to know who we are. We need an identity. The word 'identity' means 'repeatedly' so our identity is 'what is always there', 'what keeps coming through', so we could say it is 'who we really are'. The key factor in the formation of our identity is our relationship with our parents. The first five years of our lives are vital - that is when the concrete is still wet!
On this page we discover what we can do to move forward when these foundations were not laid in childhood and we struggle with who we are.
On this page we discover what we can do to move forward when these foundations were not laid in childhood and we struggle with who we are.
God's Big Second Chance
Whatever has happened in our natural family, when we are born anew into God’s family we have the opportunity for any missing ingredients to be built into our lives.
When church operates with relationships at its centre then we discover:
When church operates with relationships at its centre then we discover:
- We are secure in God’s love because we belong in his family.
- We are valued because Jesus loves us so much that he gave his life for us, but loves us too much to let us stay as we are. He will take us on a journey and allow us to go through situations that will enable us to grow and develop.
- We have each been equipped with a gift from the Spirit to serve one another – something we are good at!
Finding our way back
If we think of the three sections (security, self-worth and significance) as three rooms that we pass through in the early stages of our journey in life then it is helpful to think of our journey back to the heart of God as being a travelling back through those rooms. In the heart of God we find complete acceptance of who we are. We are loved just as we are. Because we live in a world in which these values are reversed we often start by looking for self-worth or security in the significance room. It is fine being put to work when you join a church – provided it goes further than that or else we will quickly think that acceptance and value is linked to how well we perform.
We may pass through the significance room into the self-worth room – and therefore feel the need to put our emphasis on the role we have (status). That can lead to real struggles in relationships. Our quest is to come to that place in God where we know we are loved for just being here. Once we are in that place, and know that we are loved and accepted regardless of role or function, we can live comfortably in all three rooms and from there reach out and offer others that unconditional acceptance, guidance and opportunity to serve the Lord.
We may pass through the significance room into the self-worth room – and therefore feel the need to put our emphasis on the role we have (status). That can lead to real struggles in relationships. Our quest is to come to that place in God where we know we are loved for just being here. Once we are in that place, and know that we are loved and accepted regardless of role or function, we can live comfortably in all three rooms and from there reach out and offer others that unconditional acceptance, guidance and opportunity to serve the Lord.
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